Don't worry. I won't be going into the video editing business any time soon. If you only knew how many outtakes were involved in getting one solid take. There wasn't enough chocolate in the WORLD, folks.
In case you didn't catch that, there's a baby in my belly (whom Newbie has lovingly named "Mowgli")! And I've spent the last several weeks enjoying some guilt free napping and snacking and resting and snacking. All in between trying to remember how to shout for joy even when you're scared. After saying goodbye to two little girls, I don't think an entirely worry-free pregnancy is anything I'll experience again- I've just lost some innocence in the what-can-go-wrong department. We were really blessed to hear from our genetic counselor several months ago that Jubilee's diagnosis has less than a 1% chance of repeating itself within the same family (as in, no reported cases in the world). Still, each day I find myself grappling with my hopes and fears and spending some time handing my heart over to the Lord again and again and again. And some days I end up needing a reminder from my husband or a good friend to do just that- hand it over, again and again and again.
Regardless of the mess my heart can be, we are just thrilled to pieces about this tiny baby! We were tears-a-flowing grateful to find out we were pregnant again after precious Jubilee and Eden, and despite being a little gun shy and having the first trimester jitters, we are certainly celebrating the story God has written for this new little one!
So we're back in the saddle. And its beautiful and wonderful and scary, but mostly just beautiful and wonderful.
We're two and a half months along, and while we debated waiting to share until we were well past the high risk time frame for miscarriage, the truth is, we are taking it one day at a time and just rejoicing in the new life that is here now. And we thought some of you might like to rejoice with us. =) Anyway, its just too hard to keep this kind of secret! And also, my pants don't fit anymore, so I was running into a maternity wardrobe in public without the public knowing I am pregnant crisis that really needed to be addressed. Ha!
We would so appreciate your prayers in the coming weeks- that this little one would be healthy and strong and that we might be so blessed as to keep Baby here this time around. =) Thank you, sweet friends!
beyond grateful for the newness of now,
Brittany
Praying for you...keep us posted.
ReplyDeleteBless you and your family.
Shouting for joy, indeed!! After I burst into tears, I actually whooped! Praying daily for you and your family!
ReplyDeleteBrittany,
ReplyDeleteYou don't know me, but I have been following your story since your pregnancy with Jubilee and am inspired and humbled by your cont'd faith in the Lord in the face of so much pain. I have read a number of blogs written by BLMs, some are angry, some are bitter, some are deep into depression...and then their are blogs like yours, that are honest and raw at times with the depth of not only their pain, but also their joy...those that realize that it is always darkest before dawn and that God is good, all the time. Your faith gives ME faith...
When I read your blog this morning and found out that you're expecting again, I will admit to a little shout of joy quickly tempered by the thoughts of your losses and wondered how on Earth I was going to make it through the next 6 months waiting for this bundle of joy...yes I said "I" and not you...I remember my 2nd pregnancy and how it felt to look at the USN picture searching for the little flickering of light that indicated all was well with the baby, only to realize that it wasn't hiding from me, it was truly not there anymore. God bless my OB Dr. who, during my next pregancy, allowed me to have monthly USNs without charging me just so I could SEE that my baby was okay! It was only after finding several BLM blogs that I realized how VERY lucky I was to have the 3 children I did because as I have learned, the first trimester is only the BEGINNING of your worries after loss...so while I DID think of myself waiting on pins and needles for YOUR baby to be born, I was even more worried at the thought of YOUR anxiety and fear. I quickly realized that although fearful, you had placed your worries at the feet of Jesus Christ...as I should have quessed because your faith in Him is the same faith that has lured me to your blog to begin with! It is a faith that is not contrived, not "put on" for show and taken off when the world isn't watching, a faith that is so real and pure that I came to the realization (yes, I'm kinda slow on the uptake!) that your faith WASN'T based on God giving you a baby to bring home this time, but that NO MATTER what God gave you, HE would be there to walk with you and even carry you if need be!
I heard something that 50cent (yes, the rapper)said in an interview with Oprah that stayed with me; after experiencing loss in his own life and talking about his relationship with God, he said "You should either pray or worry -- don't do both. If you pray and then worry," he explained, "How do you think that makes God feel?" I know that God has a plan for every one of us and that "Mowgli's" future is already determined by God so worrying about it is NOT going to change the outcome..."Mowgli" deserves for ALL of us to pray for peace in your's and Hubby's hearts and for you both to find as much joy in this pregnancy as you have in the others'!!! Now, that does not mean that some fear isn't completely understandable and the AMAZING thing about our Lord is that forgiveness is not a one time thing, nor is it like a class you either 'pass' or 'fail'! God is there 24/7 for us to call out to and say "I KNOW I'm not SUPPOSED to worry, please forgive my hearts' inability to keep up with what my mind knows...I'm giving this BACK to YOU...please let me feel a peace beyond all understanding and safe in the arms of YOU, my Father!"
I will be praying for you and your little family, that God gives you the feeling of peace and calm so that you may ENJOY every stinkin' minute of this pregnancy...even the moments that find you nauseated, exhausted or constipated (*gasp-yes, I went THERE!*)!! I look so forward to watching this baby grow and cannot wait for the day you and "Hubs" and of course, Newbie, get to bring this baby home!
Sincerely,
Melanie