Eden's Story

One month ago, I went in to the emergency room with symptoms that led to an emergency ultra sound. My husband, my mom, and I watched as an ultra sound technician showed me pictures of my sweet baby.  We saw our baby's profile- the little nose and eyes and mouth.  I smiled.  My baby was beautiful. We saw tiny arms and legs, an itsy bitsy back curled up, peacefully resting in my womb.  But there was no movement, and I knew my baby wasn't there anymore.  I drank in the little body resting on the screen, memorizing every feature because I knew.  I knew it was the last time I would see my little one resting inside me. There was no heartbeat, no tiny, fluttering white image standing out against the rest and pounding away on the screen.  My husband and I cried.  My mom cried.  We all cried.

 All this pain
I wonder if I’ll ever find my way

After seeing my baby's ultrasound, the ER doctor came in and told me this was the end; God told me it was only the beginning.

I wonder if my life could really change at all...

At home, I wept.  My body ached with the pain.  The spirit groaned.  There aren't words to describe the pain when your heart is ripped raw, bleeding out.  My fists tightened and wanted beat the ground; my heart wailed.  The hurt ran so deep. I would never hold my baby, tickle tiny toes, nibble teeny ears. I held my son, and I cried for the baby I had lost.  I begged to see Jesus in my pain.  I begged Him to be with us- to stay close.  I asked Him to take care of my baby, the one I wouldn't get to hold.

All this earth
Could all that is lost ever be found
Could a garden come up from this ground at all...

In that moment, the Lord came to me and gave me a vision.  I saw my baby in Heaven.  I saw my baby's beginning, and it was astounding.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust

I grappled to hold on to the hurt because I knew what I had lost, but the sorrow slipped from my fingers like sand as I gazed at what was unfolding in Heaven. I saw my baby, and my darling was so, so happy and so loved and so cared for. My weeping heart was filled to overflowing with hope.  I saw the beginning of my little one's story, and it could not have been more magnificent: my child was holding the very hand of Jesus and filled with bubbling joy.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

God's heart had reached down and pulled me out of the pit.  I missed my baby so very, very much, but I knew His plan was perfect, and I was blessed, because He showed me it was so.

All around
Hope is springing up from this old ground

When my husband got home that evening, I shared with him the vision God had given me of our baby's beginning.  Through tears, my husband shared his part of the story, the part where he had seen the light of angels taking our baby to Heaven. We smiled through tears at God's majesty, His faithfulness, goodness, and grace.  Where there was unspeakable loss, abundant life had been found.

Out of chaos life is being found in You

As Jesus ministered to us, He told me to write.  He told me my baby's story was never meant for only me to see; I had to share it.  And so, I wrote. I wrote about my journey from the dust of despair to the joyful place of hope in Christ.  I wrote about the beautiful things God had done.

And several wrote back.

Using the story He asked me to share, God was doing some incredible things in the hearts of many. 

Beautiful things, in fact.

You make beautiful things

 

"I LOVED what you shared, and I smiled the whole way through. It blessed me beyond words, and I believe that the Lord chooses these things to share with people."

You make beautiful things out of the dust

"Thank you so much for writing your post. For the past 3 years I have grieved over the 10 fingers and 10 toes I would never be able to count and kiss, but reading about your vision brought my heart an unexplainable amount of comfort."

You make beautiful things

"So random seeming... but so designed by God. Your vision and picture of Heaven was very comforting. My babies would be about 10 and 9 if they were here on earth. But God wanted them with Him."

You make beautiful things out of us

"I am so completely in awe."

You make beautiful things 

"I am so blessed by that. Words cannot describe. Share it, scream it from the rooftops because we so desperately need to hear it and to know of the hope we have." 

You make beautiful things out of the dust

"I've been down the miscarriage road now 3 times after having a healthy little boy 2 years ago....Your words have touched me and I am thankful to have "stumbled" upon your blog--even though I really know that that was all in God's plan too!" 

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

I wept. He came.

I prayed. He answered.

I wrote. He worked.

You wrote. I smiled.

 He took me, a broken, raw, weeping mess, and He drew near and blessed me.  He showed me how He was using my baby's story, and through His grace and the hope He offers in Jesus, He made me new.

You make me new, You are making me new
You make me new, You are making me new

Through the words God placed on my pen, through the hope He offered in those words, through His grace and the hope He offers in Jesus, He made us new.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of the dust

For those of you who have walked this road with us, for those who have prayed, for those who have encouraged, for those who have mourned with us, for those who have been touched by my little one's story, thank you for being a part of the beautiful things God is doing with our sweet baby's life and resurrection.  Friends, you are one of those beautiful things.

You make beautiful things
You make beautiful things out of us

And now, there's more...

Two weeks after my miscarriage, we went to a follow-up appointment.  We didn't think we would know whether our sweet baby was a boy or a girl this side of Heaven, but we were pleasantly surprised when our doctor asked us if we wanted to find out.  Smiling, we found out we had a little girl!  We were just as excited as we were when we found out Newbie was a little boy.  My stomach was full of butterflies, and hand in hand, the Hubs and I walked out of the office grinning from ear to ear.  Our daughter was waiting for us.

We knew we wanted to name our sweet baby before we went to the appointment, and we had a list of gender neutral names on the drawing board.  Our list quickly dissipated when we found out we had a little girl.  Her name would be Eden Dawn.  Eden, because our sweet little girl would never have to know anything but paradise and complete, perfect fellowship with our Father, as it was always intended to be.  Dawn, because her daddy witnessed her resurrection as the sun rose early on a morning in late June, and she would share her middle name with her aunt and grandmother. It was without a doubt the perfect fit for our sweet girl.

Thank you, all of you, who have traveled this road with us- who have hurt with us, cried with us, read with us, prayed with us, rejoiced with us.

He does, indeed, make beautiful things out of the dust. 

See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland. -Isaiah 43:19

Praying He continues to make beautiful things out of us.

xoxo,

Brittany

*"Beautiful Things" by Gungor

Eden Dawn, we miss you so very, very much, baby girl. But our hearts are full of joy because our Jesus has done such beautiful things with your story.  We cannot wait to squeeze you and see your pretty smile, little lady!  Daddy, Momma, and your big brother love you with all of our hearts, and sweet girl, we will see you soon!!!

Love, Momma