Jubilee

I'd like to thank you all from the bottom of my heart for praying for my family, and I'd like to introduce you to our "jubilee"- our Shout of Joy to the Lord!

I can't describe the emotion going into this morning- mostly because I couldn't feel much besides an incredible peace wrapped around the Hubs and I as we rested in knowing there were so many praying for our little one.  I truly cannot describe how humbled we are by how many of you have been praying for us and have let us know.  Thank you thank you thank you!

All my heart could utter was a "please please please" as we waited to find our baby on the screen, and almost right away we saw that little heart continuing to thump away! I'm telling you: this is nothing short of a miracle.  My body has been doing exactly what my doctor had warned me was headed towards miscarriage, and after what this pregnancy has looked like this past week, that heart should not have been beating.  But prayer changes things, and as the Hubs said, God must have some big plans for this "tough little buster". =)

One of my dear friends wrote the sweetest note saying she has been in constant prayer for our little one and that the Lord kept laying the term "jubilee" on her heart.  Do you know what "jubilee" means?  Well, lots.  But do you know what my favorite translation is?

Jubilee: Shout for joy

Are you kidding me?!  How incredibly perfect.

And as I dug into the term's history (thank you, Wikipedia) this brought buckets and buckets of tears:

"In the Biblical Book of Leviticus, the Jubilee year is mentioned to occur every fifty years, in which slaves and prisoners would be freed, debts would be forgiven and the mercies of God would be particularly manifest."

Oh, how we have seen His mercy today!

After the ultrasound tech left, I turned to the Hubs and said, "I just can't believe it. We don't deserve to get to keep this little one and there he is, snuggled away, heart beating beautifully.  So many people don't get to see a baby's heart beating on that screen- and there's no good reason why we got to. It's just grace.  That's all there is to it- it's just grace."

Grace.  Given far more than we need.  Heaps and heaps beyond what we deserve.  It's all grace, and we are shouting for joy today!

Remember how I said I go to the Psalms when I run out of words?  Well, I was sobbing through the Psalms last night and guess which Psalm I continued to read over and over and over?

Psalm 100

Shout for joy to the LORD, all the earth.
 Worship the LORD with gladness;
   come before him with joyful songs.
 Know that the LORD is God.
   It is he who made us, and we are his;
   we are his people, the sheep of his pasture.

 Enter his gates with thanksgiving
   and his courts with praise;
   give thanks to him and praise his name. For the LORD is good and his love endures forever;
   his faithfulness continues through all generations.

As I sat here and made the connection between "jubilee" and the Psalm I clung to last night as I prayed for our sweet babe? Speechless.

Entering his gates with thanksgiving and his courts with praise today because the LORD is good. How touched we would be if you would continue to pray for our tough little guy.  This baby is beating the odds, and we would love to have you keep the prayers coming for his health and development.  We know that prayer changes things- that prayer moves the heart of God, and we would be so blessed by your continuing prayers. We want this baby to be our shout for joy for years and years and years. Thank you so much for standing in prayer with us as we root for this little one and continue to trust in God's timing, goodness, and plan, no matter what tomorrow holds.

Thank you, God, for today.

We have been so blessed by you all.  Thank you for getting on your knees and asking for grace- if we could hug each and every one of you, we would! It is my deepest hope that you know Jesus like we do- that you know the Jesus who sits with you in doctor's offices and holds your heart through the good news and the bad- the Jesus who brings together bands of people from across the country to pray for a little life in the womb only 8 weeks old- the Jesus who lavishes grace on us despite all the reasons we don't deserve it.  All is grace, and I pray you know His grace today, deep into the crevices of your heart as we have. 

And because this song encompasses so much of what we're feeling today:

Kleenex and Kazoos

It's a lot easier to blog about pregnancy when its all about the nausea and the Lucky Charms and the cute maternity clothes.  It's just not as easy to blog about pregnancy when its the tough stuff.  But I wanted to write tonight to ask for prayers for our littlest blessing as we go into tomorrow.

For the record, it'd be easier to wait three months and see where we're at and then fill the blog in on where we are and where we've been, but the momma in me can't bear the thought of passing up an opportunity to ask for prayer on my baby's behalf.  So I'm here.  And I'm asking for prayer.  Again. So many of you have been so encouraging and have reached out to say you're pulling for us, that I just couldn't let tomorrow go by without asking for some intercession.

The past few days have been a roller coaster.  Like a grab the box of kleenex and the kazoos because you're gonna be partying and crying and partying and crying kind of roller coaster.   One minute we're sure we've lost him, the next minute I'm all, "Ok, it looks like he might be hanging in there after all!"  To say that we're on our knees in submission is the understatement of the century.  We just have no control and no idea what is going to happen from one hour to the next.  My body's freaking out, but not enough to say its thrown in the towel.  So, on bended knee, we keep hoping and praying and rooting for a miracle.

Then I blow my nose because I cry a lot when I'm on my knees.  Then I eat some ice cream because it really does make me feel better and I'm still pregnant so no one can judge me for the calories.

Now you're wondering when I'm going to get to the point.  =)

We have an ultrasound tomorrow morning at 8.  We're still at a place where this could go either way- towards a healthy pregnancy or towards a loss, and we don't know whether our little one is Home or if he's still snuggling in for the long haul.  I'd love to ask for your prayers.  We would be so, so blessed by your prayers for our littlest kiddo.  We saw his little heart thumping away last week, and we would love to see that again so we know where we're at in all of this. (You know what I'd really love?  I'd love to stop being scared and to be holding a sweet little pink baby in July.)  At this point, the waiting has become an agonizing challenge, and we would love to gain some insight into where we're headed.   There's nothing we want more than to know that despite all the concerns of the past two weeks that our little one is here and well.  We'd be so blessed by your prayers that our little one is well and that this would progress into a healthy pregnancy. We know things could go the other way too, in which we'd still be grateful to know where this road is leading.  It's the waiting that's got me all tied up in knots.

We would so appreciate your prayers tonight and into the morning as we take a look at our little one.  Thank you from the bottom of our hearts to those of you who have said you're praying for our sweet baby and to those of you who will be lifting our little one up in prayer tonight.  We may know you, we may not, but we are so very grateful for your prayers on our behalf, and we love you to pieces for caring about our little baby. Thank you!!!

I've been dwelling in the Psalms this week because that's where I go when my spirit has no words- and if there's one thing that will take your words away, its the constant wondering if you'll get to hold your baby on this side of Heaven.

The Lord gives strength to His people; the Lord blesses His people with peace. Psalm 29:11

We've experience His strength and peace firsthand the past week. I've been so blessed by all of the encouraging words and texts from sweet friends and family.  The hands of Jesus have touched us this week, and we've been renewed in strength and peace with each prayer and text message and voicemail. We feel so wrapped up in the love of Christ.  It's incredible- the kind of peace He brings in the midst of overwhelming obstacles.  Thank you for reminding us that His plans are good and that He loves us more than we can comprehend.  Those truths are a salve to the hurting soul, and I'm so thankful to be surrounded by so many who intercede for us and speak truth to us when the going gets tough.  Thanks for journeying with us here on the blog and in real life when its not all Lucky Charms and trips to the zoo and backyard barbecues and apple orchard hayrides.  You are awesome.

Newbie says hello and that he's got an awesome new upgrade on his box fort involving Christmas lights that he wants to show off the next time his momma pulls out the camera.  He just popped another tooth (7 now- we may not need dentures for him after all!) and he is talking up a storm.  This little guy is my sunshine on these gloomy and unsure days. Every time we pray, he wants to pray for "BAYbee", and I know he's grateful for the prayers for his little brother or sister too.  Thank you so, so much, sweet friends.

Wishing you a week that is blessed, and promising to come back and share when we know more.

Happy Monday!

Celebrating the Bright Spots

Sometimes life is just stinking hard.  When life gets hard, I cry a little, swipe a few hugs from a few of my favorite people, send out a few prayer requests via text message, and then I look around and drink in every single little blessing. Because you know what?  Despite the hard stuff, blessings are everywhere.

There was a whole lotta slurpin' the bottom of the glass yesterday.  Turkey Day delivered a wealth of blessings to be scooped up and savored to the last drop:

(Newbie helped G-Mama make the stuffing)

(And found himself some Cool Whip to eat off the counter...yum!) 

(Turkey Day was spent at G-Mama's and Grandad's with some of our favorite people.  Lots of food, lots of music, and lots of snuggling on Newbie- one of the best ways to spend a day!)

Thank you from the bottom of my heart to so many of you who have been praying for my little family and our sweet baby.  Please keep the prayers coming as we're not sure where this road is headed, and, as many of you know, it's not an easy road to walk.  We're thanking God for our daily bread and taking it one day at a time.  Today was hard- each day is hard, actually- because we're really not sure whether our little one is still with us or not.  We're not sure what tomorrow will bring, but tomorrow has enough trouble of its own, so we're going to snuggle in tonight and give thanks for the bright spots in our day that outshine the unknown.

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:33-34

Bright spot #256: Christmas tree gettin' with our little man.

 

Bright spot #257: Curious George attacks the Tupperware cabinet

Bright spot #258: Opie hugs in the morning sunshine

Bright spot #259: Gus Gus belly popping out of the jammies Grandad let Newbie pick out of the bottom of his jammie pile (Looks like Momma could stand to do a little closet overhaul in Newbie's room!)

 

(Thanks for the new jammies, Mutte!  They came just in time today because he's busting out of this Lightening McQueen set!)

I'm giving thanks for the bright spots.  For the joy and sunshine that comes with a healthy baby boy among a trillion other blessings that have landed in my lap.  The uncertainty of tomorrow, and the next day and the next, fade with the gratitude for today. Jesus, give us today.  Give us hearts and eyes to see the daily bread you've provided today, and let our hearts not be troubled as we see your goodness and provision for today- because it is then that we can rest in knowing your goodness and provision will come again tomorrow.

Let's have eyes to see, friends- to see that He is good.

Thanking Him for today, and praying your tomorrow is full of bright spots and blessing.

Happy Weekending!

Loving with Abandon

 I was really hoping to write about this on Christmas this year and post a cute picture that would bring lots of smiles...but I'm learning that my plans aren't always the same ones God has in mind. =)  

And I'm starting to think it makes more sense to share as we celebrate Thanksgiving anyway.  We've got lots to be thankful for this year because.......

I'm pregnant!

(Newbie giving Baby a hug and kiss)

And we are so, so thankful!

We were thrilled to find out we were pregnant with another little bugger after we lost Eden this summer.  We were thrilled to be able to tell Newbie there was another baby in momma's tummy and to watch him snuggle and hug that little something.  

I figured going into this pregnancy that I would be anxious after losing Eden through a miscarriage at ten weeks.  I was right. =) I knew I had two choices:    

1) I could detach myself from this little baby until we were past the first trimester and out of the major danger zone for miscarriage, hopefully saving myself some heartache.

2) I could love this little baby with abandon, delighting in his little self from the moment we found out about him, and praying fervently for him, anticipating getting to meet him someday soon.

I was tempted to go with option one because it sounded easier and a lot less painful if something were to happen, but then I thought about Eden and the nine weeks we had with her and how I wouldn't have traded those sweet days with my girl for anything. So a month ago when we found out we had Baby #3 in the works, I decided to love this little guy with abandon. We pulled out all the stops.  We talk to him each day.  We pray for him.  Newbie snuggles my belly and offers to share his binky with the "BAYbee" each morning. We picked out an ornament for him and have been tossing around name ideas.

The best way this guy has been loved lately? Newbie woke up in our bed a few days ago, pulled my shirt up over my belly, said, "BAYbee!" and leaned in to give my belly a kiss.  So sweet! Then he sat up and folded his hands, which means he wants to pray.  We thanked Jesus for this baby and asked Him to help our baby grow healthy and strong.   Then we said and "Amen" and clapped like Newbie always does.  This baby is a special part of our little family, and we love him to pieces!

(Blurry, but I had to share- he wants to pray for Baby alll the time!)

Everything was progressing well with my pregnancy until this past week. We were waiting to share our news until we were through the high risk time frame for miscarriage, but I'm a strong believer in the power of prayer, so I wanted to share where we're at right now.  I hopped on to share today with a heavy heart because who wants to announce a pregnancy and an urgent prayer request at the same time?!  But a momma's gotta ask for some prayer, right?! =) 

Here's the scoop: Lately I have had some symptoms that concerned my doctor.  She sent me in for some blood work and ordered an ultrasound.  The Hubs and I were nervous about what we'd find on the ultrasound, but were delighted to see a fluttery little heartbeat on the screen yesterday!  (Praise Jesus!) My breath caught in my throat because we didn't get to see our girl until she had already gone and there was no movement on the screen.  We were so blessed to see our little one while his heart was just pounding away!

At this point, we're facing a situation that could go either way in terms of losing our baby or getting to meet him in July.  He's due the week after we lost Eden- July 13, 2012.  It is good news that we saw a healthy baby on the screen yesterday, but I haven't been feeling well which isn't a good sign, and my doctor made it clear that we are not out of the woods on this. We're taking it day by day and waiting on the Lord to show us what is next.  In the meantime, we are continuing to love on this little guy and celebrate that he's here with us now. 

Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord. Psalm 27:14

We are hopeful that as we wait, the Lord will allow us to meet this little baby in July, but we don't expect that of Him because we want to fully submit to His will, and we know that His will may not be that we have a healthy baby next summer.  What we do know is that He is good, and He is faithful. What we do expect is that His plans are bigger and greater than ours and that His plans are good.  We expect that regardless of what happens to our little one that God will never leave us to walk this road alone- be it happy or broken- and that because of His goodness, we will meet this little one someday- maybe on this side of Heaven, maybe not. We expect to see His goodness in whatever happens over the next several days, weeks, and months.

And so, we wait.  We wait with hope.  We wait in courage and confidence of God's good plans.  We endure because He knows more, sees more, and loves more than we do, and we know we can trust the One who has been so faithful to us.

Would you pray with us while we wait?  

We would be so blessed by your prayers for our little baby- that God's will would be done and that if it is His will, this sweet baby would continue to grow strong, and that any signs of loss would be stopped. We're at a crossroad right now that leaves opportunity for this baby to still continue to grow and develop, and prayer changes things.  We're so hopeful that health and life is what the Lord has planned for this one.  And we're confident that we will see His goodness even if He has different plans.  Thank you, friends, so very much for your prayers!

I'll share any progress one way or the other as it comes about.  In the meantime, we wait with hopeful hearts and spirits overflowing with thanks for the opportunity to see our little one yesterday and for each day we have to love on him.  

Another thing we're thankful for this year?
This smile:

And these bright blue eyes:

 

Wishing you all a Thanksgiving full of the richest blessings and joys! 

This song came on the radio while I was writing this post.  Yes, please. =)
*Don't forget to mute or pause the music on the player at the bottom of my blog

Thank You

There's a story in the Bible about ten men. One of our pastors shared this story with us today, and it was one that I was familiar with but had forgotten.  It's from Luke 17: 11-19.  There were ten men. They were sick with leprosy, and Jesus miraculously healed them as they walked by Him.  After being healed, nine of the men just kept walking. Only one of the men turned back, fell at Jesus' feet, thanked Him, and praised God for his healing.

The other nine just walked away.  They never came back. They took the gift they had been given and just kept on going.

The one took the gift, stayed, and couldn't stop thanking Jesus.

I don't want to stop thanking Jesus.  For everything.  Every gift. All the time.

I don't want to be the nine showered in blessing who continue to walk without expressing any gratitude. I want to have eyes to see Him in everything- I want to be aware of each and every gift He's given me, and to thank Him for the gifts.

(image found here)

So tonight, when Newbie was crying at the top of his lungs in his crib after I laid him down for bed, instead of banging my head against the wall and mentally begging that child to JUST GO TO SLEEP, I went into his room, and  I watched his little body calm with my return.  Two arms resting on the edge of the crib, I looked down and whispered that I loved him.  One of his arms clutched his blankie, his binky clicked with each little suck of his tongue, and one little hand reached up from where he lay in his bed and waited.  His tiny palm hung in the air until I offered my hand and his tightened around mine as he brought it close to his chest.  Then his heavy eyes closed.  His grip was firm, his soft face peaceful as he lulled off to sleep.  I stood there, drinking in my boy's sweetness and realizing God was giving me eyes to see- to see the gift. I was exhausted and tired, but nothing was going to keep me from reveling in the blessing that is my son. As I leaned against the crib, holding hands with my sweet baby, I thanked Jesus over and over again for my boy.  Thank you, thank you, thank you for this boy, Lord.  Thank you for his soft hands and his tiny breaths, and his sweet personality.  Thank you for this gift.    Thank you that I have a son who can wail at the top of his lungs, and thank you that my sweet boy has a momma and daddy who love him desperately and who can stand by his crib and hold his hand as he falls asleep. Then my thanks drifted to all manner of gifts.  My heart squeezed with gratefulness for everything.  All things.  Each and every single one.

I want to thank Jesus for everything.  When the Lord pours blessing on us, each of us, I want to be one of the ones who immediately turns to the Lord and says, thank you.

Thank you for food and clothes and the shoes on my feet.

Thank you for a home and a bed and warm blankets.

Thank you for my husband and my son and the joy they bring to my life just by being them.

Thank you for church and community.

Thank you for strangers and new friends.

Thank you for the rivers and trees and wind.

Thank you for cozy socks and hot coffee.

Thank you for health, thank you for family, for babies, for work, for play.

Thank you for giving up Your life so that I may have mine. 

Thank you for the big things and for the little things and for the hard things that make us stronger.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

With every breath I want to thank Him, living a life of gratitude that opens my eyes to the gifts the other nine may overlook.

Thank you for giving me nine weeks with my daughter and 19 months with my son.

Thank you, God, for today.  And thank you for tomorrow.

 Here dies another day, during which I have had eyes, ears, hands, and the great world around me; and with tomorrow begins another.  Why am I allowed two? -G.K.Chesterton

Hoping this Thanksgiving week is full of giving thanks to the Maker of all good things.  Let's be the one in ten, friends, because He is so, so good and worthy of praise.

Come, let us sing for joy to the LORD; let us shout aloud to the Rock of our salvation. Let us come before him with thanksgiving and extol him with music and song. Pslam 95:1-2 

Still...

Wowzers.  How about I never blog, huh?

If you were expecting an exciting post with lots of pictures, this is surely going to be a disappointment. My apologies!

Because I'm just popping in to say we're still here....and I still haven't hooked up my camera to the sub computer while ours is packed away. Boo!

Sorry for being so MIA on here lately....we're getting settled into my parents' place and slowly recovering from a really busy and crazy few weeks.

We are:

Still on the lookout for a new house.

Still playing mad games of hide and seek with Newbie at least three times a day.

Still laughing every time Newbie says, "tar tar" instead of "guitar".

And still wishing I had bought Lucky Charms instead of Multi Grain Cheerios last week at the grocery store.

I'll be back this week with some pictures and video if I can get Newbie to show off a little bit for the camera. =)

Happy Sunday!

Love, your sleep deprived mother

Dear Newbie,

Remember how we just moved a trillion boxes out of our old house and into various other locations all within the past 72 hours?

Me too.

So please, please, PLEASE, pretty please with sugar and sprinkles and a cherry on top take a nap.

Because Momma needs one too.

Please?

Love,

Your Mother...who is currently wasting away in a sleep deprived stupor while I watch you chat with the friends in your crib.  Wait-what was that?  Newbie, I think Dog and Country Bunny and even Blankie all just said, "Please stop talking to us; its time to take a nap."  Maybe we should just do what they say.  Maybe????