The Slack, The Hook, The Pottyseat

Confession: I've been avoiding the blog.

Ah, that feels good to admit.

Also, I have a Lucky Charms/graham cracker problem.

I eat them all the time.

And its not helping in the baby weight department.

Ah, that feels good to admit too.

Truth is, I feel so overwhelmed when I think about updating my blog.  There is so much I want to write and share about my sweet Jubilee's birthday and the days following her birthday and the special people and events that made those days something to be remembered, but writing about my girl requires quiet time to reflect and think and feel and then write, and quiet times this summer have just been few and far between.

I'm left with this dilemma because so many of you have been so supportive and loving during my pregnancy with Jubilee, following her story and my own, that I feel like I'm leaving you hanging not sharing more about what the last few months have held for me and my little family.  But when I share, I want to share well, and I just don't feel like I can do that right now.

Not for lack of wanting, but because I just don't have the time that I'd like to sit down and really write like I want to about those precious pages of my story.  And also because grief is this big huge mammoth journey that keeps me from feeling like myself all the time and to be perfectly transparent, grief takes up a lot of space in the heart and mind, to the point that what little space I have left goes into being the wife and momma I want to be.  I don't have a lot of capacity to be a good daughter or sister or friend right now, much less a decent blogger who doesn't leave readers hanging and shows up with a post more than once every few weeks. =)

So here's the deal:  I'm going to write about my heart.  And Jubi.  But I'm tired of being intimidated by the lot of it and avoiding the blog because I just don't have the time to write about the big stuff.  So I'm going to write about my heart, but I'm going to cut myself some much needed slack and just wait.  And be still.  And trust that when I have the time, it will happen.

In the meantime, I'm going to write about protein shakes.  And potty seats.  And our news series about "Good Gifts" at church and how its inspired us to teach Newbie a fun new prayer before meals each day.  You know, the normal, everyday, whywouldanybodywanttoreadthisstuff stuff.  Because that's the stuff that life is made of.  And that stuff comes easy these days- the other stuff is simmering in the pot.  Like a pot roast or something that takes forever to cook but is the most delicious treat when it is finally done.

The big stuff is simmering.  And I'm going to stop avoiding the blog while it simmers.  I'm going to start posting with some appetizers while I wait for the time and the capacity to really share what I'd like to share about my girl's birthday and the days that have followed.  There is so very much blessing in it.  I look forward to sharing the feast with you all one of these days.

In the meantime, its prayers and potty seats and book parties in the shade of the red bud tree.

("God is great.  God is good.  And we thank Him for our food." ...I have a fun clip of him praying before dinner last night, but I can't upload it to the post, so I had him quick practice it for me while I typed this afternoon...he was multi-tasking watching Cars at the same time. =])

(Because that's a good idea. And not gross at all.)

My apologies to those of you who have been following Jubi's story and waiting for me to write more about my girl.  There is so much to share, but I want to wait until I can share well, and right now my heart is too busy with the day to day to sit down and write like I'd like to.  It will come, someday, I promise.

My pastor gently reminded me several weeks ago that delay doesn't always mean denial.  I'm finally going to let myself off the hook and trust his words. The delay in sharing more about my girls' big day and beyond isn't denying- its just processing and waiting and healing- all in hopes of sharing when the time is right.  Thank you so much for your patience with me while I navigate the bumpy, curvy, topsy, turvy road that is grief at 26 with a toddler, husband, and crazy dog in tow.

You are all rockstars for hanging in there with me this long, and I'm grateful to have you all as friends and readers. Thanks for letting me off the hook. =)

Happy Thursday!