Right Now and Two

He's two.

And I love two for a trillion reasons.

Two is sparkle.

Two is bedtime stories and lullabies and prayers.

Two is dinosaurs and chomping.

Two is little fingers and Playdoh.

Two is "please don't hit the dog" and "if you do that again it will be a time out."

Two is drinking out of the dog bowl.

Two is eating toothpaste instead of brushing teeth because eating toothpaste is more fun anyway.

Two is "I don't want to go on the potty."

Two is tippy toes on the kitchen floor and baaaarely tipping the bowl into the sink.

Two is messes and messes and messes and a "HIP HIP HOORAY!!! YOU CLEANED IT ALL UP!!!" because a full-throttle clean up is a rare jewel.

Two is "Mommy tuck me in" at night and "where's Daddy?" in the morning.

Two is "Aww, Mom.  You da best eber in da big whole world."

Two is cars and tractors sprawled across the hallway.

Two is "Oooooh! Why not?"

Two is a bedroom stowaway camping out in between two pillows on a queen size bed surrounded by cards and books and all kinds of other treasures found in the midst of post-bedtime tomfoolery.

Two is sliding into home base with a belly flop anytime, anywhere.

Two is "God, tank you for David and da bad giant. And for Jubilee garden.  And tank you for yunch. Amen."

Two is hands dirty and the table and floor too.

Two is "I need it cha-la milk."

Two is drama drama drama when its time to go inside because little boys never stop exploring.

Two is post-bathtime meltdown because it doesn't get better than swimming naked.

Two is "Jubilee i' in Heabin wif Jesus."  and "What is Mowgli playing wif in your belly?  We get him some baby toys when he get out."

Two is endless melodies of Everybody Wants to be a Cat mashed together with Jingle Bells and Jesus Loves Me and Doctor Worm.

Two is footie pj's.

Two is sippy cups on the floor, in the bed, and on the couch.

Two is nap time with the bink and blank and lots of giggles.

Two is awesome.

I never want to forget two.

Because two is grace.

The last year has been hard for me.  Its been impossible, really.  Saying goodbye to someone you never thought you'd have to say goodbye to?  A precious tiny little someone with the softest blond hair and the sweetest little frame that fit just perfectly into your arms? Someone who changed your life backwards and forwards and opened your eyes to things you never knew?  Saying goodbye to that someone?  Impossible.  The past year has been, without a doubt, impossible.

But I've learned first hand that God triumphs over the impossible.

Over the course of the last twelve months, the impossible months of finding out my daughter was sick, saying goodbye, burying her, trying to do life without her, the God of possible gave me a precious gift.  He handed me two.  In the midst of the inner chaos and the hurt and the ache and the challenge, He handed me two and opened my eyes to His grace- making it possible to live and love and breathe and shout for joy even in the midst of the impossible.  He used two to whisper it is good.  He placed two in front of me to remind me that though the goodbye is hard and the ache is deep, right now is still a gift.

Two is right now.

And right now is a blessed treasure from the One Who loves us the most.

Praying that wherever you find yourself today...this week...this month...this year, you have eyes to see the treasures of your right now and the heart to know they were sent with love from the God of Possible.

xoxo,

Brittany

"What is impossible with man is possible with God." 

Luke 18:27

Portrait of a Saturday

(Project peanut butter cookies)

(Project making room for Mowgli/basement reno)

(Project dog for sale. Just kidding. Just kidding.  Just kidding. Just kidding?)

Saws buzzing in the basement

Lullabies floating down the back hall

Barks from the resident moron every. ten. seconds.

I'm soaking it in and loving the beat of the weekend...crazy mutt and all.

(Project "pond" pre-naptime)

There's something about the little Saturday somethings that are just a salve to the soul.

Happy Saturday from my home to yours.

xoxo

(This wasn't Saturday, but still...playing in his daddy's boots?  I swoon.)

Hello, Mowgli...16 Weeks

Cherishing this growing belly and the little one inside today.  

We've been praying like crazy for this little babe, and I'm so grateful to have had four uneventful months with him or her so far.  We've been in for several check-ups to be sure everything looks good, and we've been given the thumbs-up each time.  In three weeks we'll go in for our 20 week ultrasound.  That one is a biggie.  We'll be going to the specialists to get accurate measurements and to screen for any potential issues.  There's nothing about my past two pregnancies that lead them to believe that something could be wrong this time, but they are doing us a solid and taking extra good care of us this go-around.  

There are a lot of emotions swirling around the anticipation for that appointment, as its almost a year to date from when we had our ultrasound with Jubilee where they told us she was so sick.  The tears come easy these days and the prayers do as well.  Its really surreal to be at almost the exact point in my pregnancy with Mowgli this year that I was with Jubilee last year- just a couple weeks ahead of where we were last year.  While I've been experiencing some difficult emotions as we get closer to this upcoming ultrasound, I'm also giddy with excitement...I can't wait to see Mowgli squirming around on the screen, and I have a feeling the nesting is going to really kick in once we know if this little one is a boy or a girl.  We are so hopeful for only good news in early February, but are very confident in God's plan for Mowgli no matter what it looks like.  

There's been a fair amount of nerves throughout this pregnancy so far, but the truth is that it has been entirely smooth sailing health-wise for this momma and baby, and I am thankful thankful thankful.

Little Mowgli has grown from a poppy seed back in October to an avocado. We waved goodbye to the nausea (yuck!) just before Christmas, and are enjoying a momma with more energy who has been doing laundry and actually making dinner for the first time in weeks. =)

(Sure would be nice if I had spelled "avocado" correctly for the picture, huh? Pregnancy brain!)

Big brother wanted to get in on the fun...

("Cheeeese, Mom!")

This winter we're busy making room for another little.  I'm just drinking in the joy found in the anticipation of our growing family. We've got plans to finish a portion of our basement to make a family room and play room so Mowgli will have a place to sleep upstairs in the current play room.  Newbie's not overly excited about the idea of the toy overhaul we have in the works, but he is thrilled about helping his daddy build with tools!  He talks about Mowgli a lot ("Mowgli is an itty bitty bitty tiny baby") and is Baby's biggest fan until we mention sharing toys or playrooms and that's when the sibling rivalry kicks in. Ha! I think he'll warm up to the idea when he realizes Mowgli won't be able to hold his own for a while after he comes home. =)  

Speaking of the big brother, while I write this, Newbie has effectively pulled out every toy in the living room and worked on a masterpiece in his diaper as well.  Awesome.  Looks like he's also experimenting with what happens when he pokes Opie in the eye.  He. is. all. boy.  Duty calls. =)  

Wishing you a blessed Monday...

4 week Recap...or some other flashy title =)

I'm not gonna waste time talking about how I haven't blogged in almost a month.  Because its pretty shameful.

Lets just get to the good stuff. =)

We sent 2012 out with a bang.

I grew a baby belly and celebrated five years being married to this guy.  We spent the night in a hotel and had fun remembering how much has changed since we tied the knot five years ago.  Two houses, two college graduations, three+ jobs, three babies, one toddler, and a wholelotta tears, laughs, and seriously charred dinners later I'm still crushing on him just as much as I was on our wedding day in December of 2007.  He makes me happy happy happy.

(14 (13?) weeks pregnant with Mowgli...we are 16 weeks now and everything is lookin' good.  More on Baby #4 next time.)

It was a busy Christmas, but we loved getting to see family and spend time enjoying the slow days filled with jammies and hot chocolate.  Newbie had a blast visiting with his Too-Tee and GD from Texas, and he had a good time cutting it up with his cousins and other grandparents over Christmas as well.  We were in and out and up and down for a solid four days, but it was good family time and Newbie didn't mind skipping his nap for presents and extra attention from his grandparents. =)

Between my big girl camera and instagram, I have a trillion pictures from Christmas, but in the interest of playing catch-up and not posting Christmas Part 1-80, I'll just share a few that are easy to get a hold of right now (lots of extended family pics are still stuck on my phone- my apologies to the grandmas and other family who are getting the photo shaft!)...

(He squeezed some z's in when he could... at dinner time Christmas day.)

(Newbie's written his own song about these two: "Too-Tee and GD are in Texas and I lub dem!")

(Sporting his aunt C's new earmuffs and hanging out with his uncle "Wobagaco")

(Hi, Gam-Pa)

(Hi, Gwandad)

(Christmas morning with my bug.  Love a good excuse to stay in PJ's all day)

(Santa brought a castle and somebody loved it)

Post-Christmas we've been wintering.  Hibernating.  Hiding out in our four walls because the plague is going around and Momma's flu shot doesn't kick in for another week- ha!  We're taking advantage of the down time and investing some time in Potty Boot Camp.  I've been hearing timers beeping and feeling damp carpet in my sleep.  The good news is, he may show up with wet pants, but he can always take me back to the scene of the crime.  I feel like that means there's hope for two reasons: 1) my poor carpet can get a good vinegar and water treatment and not be left for dead.  2) if he knows where it happened, then he knows what happened.  I feel like maybe we can make the connection and get that business to the bathroom.  ...or we could just keep swigging apple juice and taking our chances all day long.  Its not like its making me psycho or anything.  I think I'm getting a twitch.

The wintering has been fun.  Something about January makes me feel like spring is just around the corner.  I think its because when you live in the north, you have to hold out for something or your heart will freeze like the rest of the landscape.  Its just so stinking cold.  And COLD. So we're looking forward to spring.  And enjoying the crunchy snow and the indoor afternoons in the meantime. =)

(buddies.)

(This shot had to make the wintering line-up because he has been cooking with us alllll the time lately.  "I need to bake some eggs, Mom."  "It ok, Mom!  We don't need a wecipe to make toast!  We make toast, ok?")

(We've been working on letters and sounds and surprise!  He knows them...I can't take the credit.  Thank goodness the LeapFrog Letter Factory dvd lived up to all the hype.  Homeboy's got the alphabet down.)

(Don't let these outdoor pictures fool you into thinking I'm a pregnant mom who gears up in the snow garb everyday just to get some fresh air with the kiddo.  This happens once in a blue moon.  But little man adores being outside, so I'm trying to be a big girl and get out there more often. =))

(Little boys never. stop. exploring.)

(We've seen lots of sunshine this week.  I swoon.)

(Too-big warm wool socks and hot chocolate= the perfect post-outside indulgence.  And yes, those are diapers.  I gave up for a little bit yesterday.  Don't judge me.)

Whew.  Do you know how long I've been telling myself I need to hop on the blog and do. something?  For.eva.  It feels good.  Like cleaning out a closet or doing your laundry or something.

I'm off to scrounge up some lunch and psych myself out for another afternoon of Potty Boot Camp.  Wishing you all a happy Thursday!

Catching my breath

Its hard to know where to go from here.  With all the heartbreak in Connecticut, and then several heart wrenching situations close to my family and friends, I find myself bent in a constant ache of grief and hurt for those around me.  A constant awareness of the brokenness of here and the fragility of this life has been walking with me.  The tears fall and the heart squeezes and after praying for the broken hearts and all the aches and the what-nows, its like I don't know what to do.

And then, just this afternoon, I remembered.

When I experienced my own heartache, I remember hoping for everyone else to just go home and love their babies.  To go and snuggle longer and drink deeper and be there with them.  I remember hugging one of my dear nurses before she left and telling her to go love and snuggle on some healthy newborns today.  I wanted the world to do what I couldn't.  I remember aching to tell the world, please, please know what you've got- don't miss a moment.

I was ever so very grateful for prayer and love, but what I wanted most was for anyone who heard my story to drink more deeply of their own- to love harder, longer, wider. To see The Author in everything and to enjoy what He had written for them.

So, once again my Jubilee girl has taught me how to do life.  (Thank you, precious Jubi-girl.  Jesus is changing me through you, and sweet girl, because of you I will never, ever be the same.)

I know what to do now- how to catch my breath and breathe when I'm hurting so hard for those around me.

I'm going to breathe deeper.

I'm going to give myself permission to grieve and find joy at the same time because that's what I wanted when my heart was shattered to pieces.  I was so grateful for those who wept with me, but I didn't want them missing out on their own opportunities to find joy. I wanted them to breathe deep.

Everyone has their own story, and this isn't an attempt to try to compare my own story with the heart-wrenching stories surrounding me- to scribble any of my notes onto anyone else's pages.  But when my grief for others is so strong and I am desperate for a way to keep walking, I find that I can work off of what I know.  And what I know is that there was a little girl who taught me a whole lot about hurt and healing and finding joy when I couldn't see for all the tears.

The next step?  The next step is allowing grief and joy to share my heart.

On a practical level, it means I'm going to love harder and longer and wider.

The loving harder looks like a lot of different things.  First, it looks like the rescue.  Jesus is our Rescuer, and His Spirit is in us that we might share the blessing of His rescue with others.  Loving harder looks like the rescue.  It looks like a handwritten letter, a warm meal, a prayer from a hundred miles away.  It means doing. He has put His children on a rescue mission, and I'm ready to be His hands and feet, because I've seen those hands and feet before, and they were life where there was death.  They were breath when I couldn't breathe.  They were God when He was hard to find.  Loving harder means reaching out where we can.

The loving longer looks like drinking it all in.  Keeping it in perspective.  Being grateful for those piles of laundry because it means there's a pile of people to wear them.  It means inhaling the scent of his little forehead because by God's grace, today I have a little forehead to smell.  It means playing trains instead of doing the dishes or getting online because the blessing is waiting there on the floor in a pile of plastic train tracks and I don't want to miss it.  It means coming to the door with a smile and letting dinner get cold because he's been working hard all day, and I want him to know I love him.  It means making every single moment count.

The loving wider looks like remembering the groans of the wounded and not getting lost in my own little world. It means looking beyond my own story and remembering the stories of others. It means that on Christmas day, my family will stop in the midst of our celebration to hold hands, quiet our hearts, and remember the precious families that are hurting that day.  It means rejoicing with those who rejoice and weeping with those who weep. While we rejoice at the gift of our Rescuer born on that day and drink deep of our blessings, we will also take the time to be still and weep for the broken hearts. Loving wider means standing in the gap and asking that He come quickly to heal the broken hearted and bind up their wounds. (Psalm 147:3).


I'm breathing deeper.  And when I find myself paralyzed with sorrow for the families in Connecticut and aching with grief for the dear families close to my own, I'm going to close my eyes, catch my breath, and take the next step.

I'm loving longer, harder, and wider.

Will you join me?

A Christmas Prayer by Max Lucado

I have such a heavy heart this morning following the horror in Connecticut yesterday.  There are several other stories this weekend that have just broken my heart for those around me.

At my home, we are weeping with those who weep today. We know the pain of a broken heart, and hearing of another and another and another just makes the soul groan and ache.

A friend posted this prayer written by Max Lucado on her Facebook page, and it resonated so much with my heart that I thought I'd share it here.  Just a beautiful plea to our Rescuer:

"A Christmas Prayer from Max Lucado

Dear Jesus,

It’s a good thing you were born at night. This world sure seems dark. I have a good eye for silver linings. But they seem dimmer lately.

These killings, Lord. These children, Lord. Innocence violated. Raw evil demonstrated.

The whole world seems on edge. Trigger-happy. Ticked off. We hear threats of chemical weapons and nuclear bombs. Are we one button-push away from annihilation?

Your world seems a bit darker this Christmas. But you were born in the dark, right? You came at night. The shepherds were nightshift workers. The Wise Men followed a star. Your first cries were heard in the shadows. To see your face, Mary and Joseph needed a candle flame. It was dark. Dark with Herod’s jealousy. Dark with Roman oppression. Dark with poverty. Dark with violence.

Herod went on a rampage, killing babies. Joseph took you and your mom into Egypt. You were an immigrant before you were a Nazarene.

Oh, Lord Jesus, you entered the dark world of your day. Won’t you enter ours? We are weary of bloodshed. We, like the wise men, are looking for a star. We, like the shepherds, are kneeling at a manger.

This Christmas, we ask you, heal us, help us, be born anew in us.

Hopefully,

Your Children"

Come quickly, Lord Jesus.  

A Christmas Tree Story

We went on a Christmas tree hunt with GiGi and Grandad last weekend.  The Hubs and I are still using the fake tree we got at our wedding, but we're always game for living vicariously through people who don't mind vacuuming up allusive pine needles all month long.  Its all the fun of a tree hunt and Christmas carols without the mess.  =)

(When did my baby get so big?!)

(Hi, Sugar.  Sorry Momma's no good at finding a hat that matches your coat.  It could be worse.  Her socks didn't match that day. I don't know...is that worse?)

(If you look closely, you can spy Mowgli in this one...Hi, Baby!)

(Victorious!)

*****

Its looking a lot like Christmas around here, if Christmas involves oddles of decorations and lots of sitting on the coach sucking on peppermints to ward off the yuckies.  We've been playing it super low-key the past several weeks because that first trimester nausea will reeeeeally take it out of a girl.  The Hubs has been a champ and cooked dinner night after night because I can't stand to look at food after 3 in the afternoon.  Which I actually love.  I love feeling this icky sick stuff because it means there's a little somebody tucked away somewhere just growing and growing and growing.  Its nice to have the reassurance that Mowgli's doing well.  Momma can't make dinner? Awesome.  Baby's lookin' good!

(Daddy and Newbie taking over the kitchen for Momma. My heroes!)

Newbie's been a real champ entertaining himself while I try and hold it together.  I hate having to turn down so many of his offers: "Mommy wanna play?" but I'm grateful that he's such a trooper and willing to harass Opie or play cars on his own when I can't muster the energy to be a good sport.  

Its so fun experiencing Christmas through this little guy's eyes.  Every year it just gets better and better. He's starting to really get that its Jesus' birthday, and he's been loving all the twinkling lights.  Takes me back to being three feet high and the hours that could be spent just taking in how cool the Christmas tree is. =)

All is well in this neck of the woods.  Thank you all for your congrats and most especially for your prayers for Mowgli!  We're enjoying every day we've got with these kiddos, and are looking forward to watching God's story for this newest little one unfold.  It is so encouraging knowing there are so many cheering us on and praying us through.  Thank you thank you thank you!

Happy December!