You'll shoot your eye out

I just logged on, and I'm a little depressed that I am only 60 pages in to the book I posted under my book club at least a month ago. I guess I have been valuing lame television and binging on Christmas cookies over expanding my mind through literary pursuits. Sigh. Sounds about right.

You know what doesn't sound about right? Making up four pans of Pioneer Woman's cinnamon rolls then burning each and every last one beyond Christmas gift potential and therefore condemning them to my freezer forever. What a disappointment. At least I can be confident the dog will eat them, based on his consumption of unidentified food fragments in the dishwasher loading and unloading zone tonight. It's nice to have a disposal on four legs.

Last random thought on the agenda tonight: Nothing says "Merry Christmas 2008, Dad!" better than a Red Rider BB Gun. And a lame-O neon orange hunting hat. And boy, did he love it. This is one of my favorite pictures ever because I think it really captures where a lot of my crazy comes from.



I really don't know how we're going to top that this year.

Good thing I had those earplugs

In the past 24 hours I have learned two things:

A) When it rains, it pours. Or blizzards.

B) God is good all the time.

Yesterday the furnace went out every 30 minutes. And it was cold. Very cold. Because it was blizzarding outside. My hubby came home to relight the furnace every 30 minutes. It was cold.

Last night we were sitting on the couch and the hubby said, "Well, it's cold, and the furnace is broken and that stinks, but at least we don't have bats like we did two years ago."

Not 15 minutes later, we heard a sound. A creeping, screechy, scratch through the plaster in the wall kind of sound. A bat. A stinking bat.

Yes.

That happened.

I was paralyzed and couldn't move until I started crying, and then I really regretted the fact that I have reduced lung capacity with this pregnancy because I was unable to produce the proper amount of gasps to accompany my sobbing, leaving me gagging on the couch with an ugly cry about the untimely arrival of our sneaky stinky bat.

The hubby hugged me and helped me upstairs. And turned on the TV and the fan so we couldn't hear batty and brought me my puppy to snuggle. He is my hero. And then, just as I was asking the Lord for a Christmas miracle and some duration of warmth, I felt him. I felt my sweet little baby boy kick for the first time. It was wonderful, and God is good all the time. Even when you have a broken furnace and a bat in the wall.

Then this morning we woke up and the furnace had stayed lit all night along. God is good.

Then the hubby went to work, and I settled in for a day at home. Until my dad and sister called saying they were taking my mom in to see the doctor because she was having a hard time breathing and her face was swelling (she was in for surgery earlier this week and had been recovering well until today).

Then I panicked. Because, I am finding, pregnant ladies tend to do that when things get overwhelming.

I got dressed, threw the dog in the kennel, and shot out the door, determined to meet my family up at the doctor's office (only 10 minutes away from my house, despite the fact that we were in the middle of a blizzard and my beloved four wheel drive vehicle was up at work with the hubby. I strapped myself in the car, pulled out of the garage, hit the garbage can, and whacked the side-view mirror right off. Oops. Big oops. Bordering hysteria, I stormed out of the car, assessed the situation, decided it was nothing a little duck tape or super glue couldn't fix, and got in the car to meet the fam.

On my way, I called the hubby, told him in a flood of rushed words that I broke his side view mirror and that it was currently dangling by wires as I made my way through downtown. I braced myself for the agony of his tortured reply, knowing we very well didn't need one more thing to put on our fix-it list right now. Over the phone I heard him say, "Well, ok. It's ok, Honey. Just drive safe, and we'll fix the mirror when I get home. Let me know how your mom is when you get there." Oh, sweet goodness, I do not deserve a man as patient and loving as this. God is good all the time. Even if you are a psycho who pulls out of garages and whacks extremities off your husband's car.

When I got to the office, I met up with the family and sat with my sister until my parents came out of the office with a fantastic report- Mom was doing well and they just needed to adjust her meds. God is good all the time. Even when your mom's face is swollen and you're scared out of your mind.

We left the doctor, and before getting into the car, I pulled out a pair of earplugs attached with a plastic string that I just happened to have in my purse. I braved the snow and tied the mirror on using the earplugs, convinced that no super glue could save me if the thing fell off on my way home.

It didn't fall off.

And Mom is ok.

And I felt my baby kick.

And the furnace is still lit.

And the hubby isn't mad about the mirror.

And I think maybe, just maybe, the bat froze to death in the blizzard. At least that's what I'm telling myself.

God is good all the time.

And I am so very, very grateful for provision in the midst of struggle. Even if it is a petty struggle like bats and mirrors attached with earplugs. I'm so grateful to serve God, Who is in the details. All the time.

I sure do like those Christmas cookies, Sugar

"I sure do like those Christmas cookies, Sugar
I sure do like those Christmas cookies, Babe

The ones that look like Santa Claus
Christmas trees, bells, and stars
I sure do like those Christmas cookies, Babe

Now Christmas cookies are a special treat
The more she bakes the more I eat
And sometimes I can't get myself to stop

Sometimes she'll wait till I'm asleep
She'll take the ones I didn't eat
And put those little sprinkly things on top

Now those sprinkly things just makes things worse
Cause it makes them taste better than they did at first
And they're absolutely impossible to resist
Some disappear to who knows where

But I make sure I get my share
And those kids just stand there waiting for the ones I miss

Sure do like those Christmas cookies, Sugar
Sure do like those Christmas cookies, Babe

She gets mad that they're all gone
Before she gets the icing put on
Sure do like those Christmas cookies, Babe

Now there's a benefit to all of this
That you might have overlooked or missed
So now let me tell you the best part of it all...
Every time she sticks another batch in the oven
There's 15 minutes for some kissin' and'a huggin'
That's why I eat Christmas cookies all year long!"

10:00

It is ten o'clock in the morning and several not-even-a-little-bit-significant things have happened that I have decided to blog about because I am bored and the only thing on tv is lame-O "Let's Make A Deal." There's just something about a bunch of grown people dressed up in corny costumes begging for money that I just can't bring myself to respect for an hour's worth of daytime television. No matter how intense the boredom.

The not-even-a-little-bit-significant things that happened this morning are as follows:

1) The furnace blew out last night, and the hubs and I woke up with chattering teeth.

2) After my stud of a handyman fixed the furnace, I got a call saying today was a snow day and don't come in to work, so the hubs and I snuggled back under the covers.

3) Opie was crying, and since I haven't mastered the Dog Whisperer's instruction to treat a dog like a dog and not a person, I was convinced he was cold and scared, so I took him outside to find not snow but rain and slush. The city looks like a gigantic 7-Eleven Slurpee today. It made me a little hungry.

4) After coming back inside, a let Opie roam the house while I went back upstairs to bed with the hubs. This was a classic error on my part. Two minutes after I crawled under the covers, the hubby shot out of bed to find that the stupid mutt had eaten his way through THREE of the presents I wrapped for an hour last week. I am thinking about buying a tranquilizer gun for Christmas.

5) Giving up on sleeping in any later than 9:45, I effectively changed from my pjs into my velour suit and plan to stay planted in it all day, including my trip to the grocery store to buy "food. water. and a flashlight." in case we get hit as hard by the great Christmas blizzard of '09 as the weather people say we will. In fact, on the radio yesterday they were talking about how crowded the grocery stores had been due to the amount of people stocking up for the blizzard. Seeing as how I did not go to the grocery store yesterday, I feel utterly left out of the chaos and decided to go sometime today when the hubby gets back with my four wheel drive vehicle. I asked the hubs what I should get at the store in order to prepare for the blizzard and was stumped we he replied, "probably a bunch of stuff we can eat without having to cook it in case the power goes out." Being the trophy wife that I am, I couldn't for the life of me think of what that might be. Astronaut food? Sardines? Should I call the army and ask for a few of those ready-to-eat meals in a bag that I saw on Ellen last week? What on earth do I buy that you "don't have to cook"? I think I've settled on some pb & j's and then all of the ingredients necessary for my PW Cinnamon roll marathon on Saturday. I don't want to get snowed in an not be able to make and gorge upon 8 pans worth of butter and sugar.

That completes the list of not-even-a-little-bit-significant things that has occurred thus far this morning. I'll be sure to update later when enough even-less-than-not-even-a-little-bit-significant events occur. Over and out.

You Know You're Pregnant When...Week 21 Edition

You know you are pregnant when...

You attempt to build a snowman with the little girls you nanny, and you can't bend over to roll the snowman into being so you build an 18 inch snowman rather than the life-size snowman you promised, asking the girls to hand you wads of snow so you don't have to bend over to build him.

You have to exhaust all self control to avoid eating said snowman's Oreo eyes or his pretzel rod arms or his celery nose because how do you explain to two adorable little girls that the snowman can't have eyes because the baby mama got too hungry?

You say your baby's name out loud over and over all day just because it is fun and so stinking cute.

You go get a pedicure with your mom and realize it doesn't really matter whether OPI's "Glove You So Much!" is too red or not because you can't see your toes anyway.

You have spent the last month cutting the elastic in your flannel pajama bottoms in a last ditch effort to make them fit until Christmas when you are hoping Santa comes through with a pair of XXXXXL pjs.

You stand in front of the mirror, realize you are only half way done, and think, "REALLY?!? Are. You. Serious."

You see this weather forecast and freak out because not only can you barely bend over to put your socks and boots on, but your coat doesn't zip up past your belly.



You reflect on your day and realize your diet consisted of the following:
7:00- Strawberry Frosted Mini Wheats and OJ
7:30- $3.68 Starbuck's Grande Decaf Vanilla Latte...don't judge me.
8:00- an entire vineyard of grapes and water
10:00- a bowl of oatmeal and water
11:00- pb&j, mac and cheese, pretzels, and grapes and water
12:00- handful of Goldfish and water
1:00- more pretzels and grapes and water
2:00- more pretzels and water
3:30- apple and a Capri Sun (surprise!)
5:45- salad and a bowl of ranch
6:00- Chicken Alfredo and bread
7:42- dreaming of Cookies and Cream Ice Cream
...and you are still starving.

You stand in the doorway of your freshly painted nursery and stare at the empty space for a good 30 minutes admiring what will soon be your son's room. *Sigh*.

You watch women go through the experience of giving birth on TLC's A Baby Story and don't know whether to watch and cheer or hide in the corner because you know it will be your turn soon.

You begin to salivate just thinking of all the Pioneer Woman Cinnamon Rolls you will be making on Saturday...Mmm... Excuse me while I go wipe the drool off my face and grab a bowl of ice cream before watching Biggest Loser with my hubby. =)

"I wanna wash my hands, my face, my hair in snow"

"A WINTER STORM WARNING FOR HEAVY SNOW MEANS SEVERE WINTER WEATHER CONDITIONS ARE OCCURRING. SIGNIFICANT AMOUNTS OF SNOW ARE FORECAST THAT WILL MAKE TRAVEL DANGEROUS. ONLY TRAVEL IN AN EMERGENCY. IF YOU MUST TRAVEL...KEEP AN EXTRA FLASHLIGHT... FOOD...AND WATER IN YOUR VEHICLE IN CASE OF AN EMERGENCY."



SnOw DaY!

I knew we got a lot of the fluffy stuff when I woke up at 1 this morning and it looked like broad daylight outside. I love that about snow. When the moon bounces off all the white in the middle of the night and makes it look like it's as bright as day. It's just gorgeous. I also love that snow is so sneaky and piles up inches and inches on the porch steps and the eaves without you knowing until you are running late for work and step out the door to find that there is only a single antenna peeking out from the snow where your car used to be. So magical. I am loving this first snow of the season. I amped up White Christmas' "Snow" this morning and woke the hubby up bright and early just like any grown woman with 5-year-old tendencies would do. Ask me again in late January how I feel about this weather, and my reaction will be entirely different. By then I would have had to drive in it. Today I chickened out (what else is a girl to do when the local tv station says to bring "food, water, and a flashlight" in the event that you're crazy enough to get into a car today because you are for sure going down and will need such means of survival?!?). I plan to stay in my pj's doing laundry and grimacing at the poor souls digging their cars out of their driveways this morning (didn't they watch the tv this morning?!? Should I bring them a flashlight and water to-go?). I already put in my time (albeit in my velour suit and a floppy ponytail) helping the hubs dig my car out so he could use the 4-wheel drive to make it into work today. I forgot to send him with the necessary survival elements- I hope the Capri Sun that has been sitting in my car for two weeks next to the baggie full of old puppy chow can sustain him.



I always feel bad that not everyone gets to have the opportunity to experience the beauty of a good 'ol fashioned Snow Day. Especially when it means the hubby won't be here to enjoy this velour suit and hot chocolate day with me. I think all occupations should be allowed a Snow Day every once in a while. Everybody should get a chance to forfeit venturing out onto treacherous roads and to snuggle up in their pj's and pretend to do laundry.

I snatched the camera up this morning before we let Opie out to enjoy the first snow of the season. He was SUPER excited, prancing through the piles out back...must get it from his momma- I might have been prancing a little too.

(Please disregard the first 10 seconds of this video...a dog's gotta do what a dog's gotta do)








Baby, it's cold outside.

Last Christmas

"Last Christmas" has been playing on the radio all day, and I've decided to concede and reflect on last Christmas in an effort to permanently put the song to rest. It has been haunting me all day and I feel like maybe the DJ knows that I haven't posted in a while and is trying to give me some inspiration or something. Maybe after I publish this post we could get some "Hippopotamus For Christmas" or at least some "Rum Pa Pum Pum" for crying out loud.

Anyway, last Christmas, the hubby and I packed our bags, threw Opie in a straight jacket, sent him to the kennel, prepared ourselves for massive amounts of burnt orange and BBQ, and boarded a plane for Texas to see family and friends.



Last Christmas we had some incredible Rudy's BBQ brisket and marveled at a massive assortment of bottled drinks.



Last Christmas we took a sneak peek at the university trophy room after hours. Apparently, last Christmas also involved plaid shorts. Way to rock it, Honey.



Last Christmas I rode some sea turtles on Lake Travis. Because, why not?



Last Christmas my sister saved her apple juice from the airplane and drank it 6 days after landing. Or maybe she just found that in the fridge. I don't remember.



Last Christmas we did one of my most favorite things and went out to visit my Grandad's meadow. We went without coats and without mittens and without hats. And we ate a lot of No Bake cookies. And chased some bulls. And I screamed a little when the hubs got too close.





Last Christmas I dreamt again of building a Laura Ingalls cabin on this hill and living out the rest of my days like a little prairie girl. Sigh.



Last Christmas the hubs broke my Grandad's tractor. And denied it even though it sat out in the pasture dead as a doornail.



Last Christmas I learned how to use the self-timer on my camera and took a picture of some of my most favorite people in the whole wide world even though half of us were still on our pajamas, and I was wearing no makeup.



This Christmas we will stay home in the arctic.

There will be coats and mittens and hats. There won't be BBQ. There will be delicious cookies at Mom's and burnt offerings from my kitchen. There will be a baby bump and wedding plans and lots of football. I think. If there is football at Christmas. And Opie will not go to the kennel, though we may still put him in a straight jacket. And some of my favorite people in the whole wide world will be traveling through the snow to visit for a week. Which won't be long enough, but we'll take what we can get. There will be hugs and laughs and long talks at the table over coffee and cookies. I am really counting on the cookies. And there will be gifts under the tree, and I will consequently still have 5 inches worth of roots showing in my hair because I decided to spend my hair money on 18 million things instead of getting my hair done. That was probably a bad choice. But I couldn't seem to control myself during that post- Thanksgiving shopping last Friday. This Christmas there will be lights on my house and several viewings of "Christmas Vacation" and "White Christmas" and maybe even "A Muppet's Christmas Carol". And there may be a re-reading of Twilight because I have kind of run out of things to do to put off doing my laundry, and I will have to remedy that somehow. There may be a 2 year anniversary celebration and perhaps a cheesy Christmas sweater party and most definitely SNOW. Because it is suppose to snow for the next 7 days straight. And I can't wait. For the cookies or the snow, or any of the other stuff. It's going to be a good one. =)