The ride of my life.

All I can say is, HOW IS THAT STUFF LEGAL???

I sat down in the dentist chair this afternoon thinking I was going to get a regular cleaning and have a couple teeth looked at. Next thing I know, my dentist is asking me if I want the laughing gas.

Now, I am no stranger to dental procedures, and if there is one thing I've learned, it is that when laughing gas is brought into the equation, you JUST SAY YES.

So I said yes.

They slipped the heavy gray tube over my nose and everything started getting fuzzy...


oh my gosh. they have GOT to sell this stuff on the street. this is...oh....man. am i still on the chair? oh gosh. i think i'm going to pass out. why am i seeing dots? you never hear about anyone dying or passing out in the dentist chair...so maybe this is ok. oh, yeah. thaaaat's right. breathe in through the nose and out through the mouth. whoa. i think i'm spinning. since when did these chairs loop around on their hinges? oh boy! buckle up... breathe in, breathe out. weeeeeee! breathe in, breathe out. oh man. i wish i could take some of this home for me. is this stuff legal? i mean- hahahahahaha- it seriously cannot be legal. this is too much fun. i think that guy is my best friend. he is drilling into my freaking mouth right now but he is DEFINITELY my best friend."Wouldn't it be nice if you could take some of this laughing gas home with you? ...After the kids go to bed..." yessssir...it sure would be nice. i am so hopped up on the LG right now, i don't even know what that lady is saying. what did she say? what does that lady have? water? a straw? "OK, now just blow into this straw..." psssphhhhhh. gosh i hope they have my grape toothpaste today. hahahahahaha- oh! here we go again- another loooop! weeeeeeeeeeeeeee! this is so much fun. can i seriously take this home with me? i will seriously only use it when i reallllly need it. i think maybe i sound like a nut case. but this stuff is sooooo good. i want to play Barbies. i never had the dentist Barbie. wooooooooooo! oh man. did my leg just fall off the chair? hold on....i can still....yep...can still wiggle my toes....oh Heaven's sake, am i going crazy? you never hear about people going into the dentist sane and coming out crazy, so maybe i'm ok. yes. this has to be OK because a dentist is kinda like a doctor. mmmm... a drill? what's that dusty stuff flying out of my mouth? it kinda tickles....dentists must have the best stories ever because this stuff makes people crazy. woooooooo! i can wiggle my toes! why do my hands feel so heavy? i can't really feel my mouwth. why am i talking with a slur when i'm not even really talking out loud? oh gosh. am i talking out loud? i hope not because this stuff makes people crazy. dentists must have the bestsstories because this stuff makes people crazy. mmm....tasty. he is so nice. that guy is seriously my best friend. this is so fun. ....wait......huh?.....where's he?....what happened to the....i don't feel buzzy anymore.....where's the....what the?....why am i....what happened to the spinny chair?.... "Do you feel more normal now? Ready to move to the next room for your cleaning?"

Uhh....not really, but sure.

And with that the fun was over, and I stumbled my way into the next room like the party girl I never was. But I was still pretty dizzy. And loopy. I just didn't want to admit to the lady that I was still hopped up on the LG because wouldn't that be embarrassing? To admit how crazy the stuff had made me? So I zigged and zagged to the new chair and flopped down as if all was right in the world. Which it wasn't because everything was still spinning.

I must have looked a little glazed over because the new hygienist asked me if I was feeling normal or if I wanted some oxygen. I lied. I said I was fine. But I wasn't. How is that stuff legal?

A thousand bucks and three fillings later (Yes, I brush my teeth. No, I don't know how I ended up needing three whole fillings.) I sank into the seat of my car and waited 15 minutes before putting the keys in the ignition because there was just NO WAY I was ready to get out on the road. I felt like I had just come from one of the Hubs' college rugby socials where everyone has to ride home in a taxi because they were so hammered. I have never been drunk, never smoked, never done drugs....but after today I'm not entirely sure I can say I haven't hit a buzz because GOOD NIGHT that was quite a ride. Did I mention he numbed half my mouth? Because he did.

Have mercy.

And with that I'll end this post because I'm pretty sure I just heard myself tell my crying baby the following: "Honey, Mommy can't really make faces at you right now because mommy can't really feel her face."

Where's the coffee? I need to sober up.