The Now

I am beautifully addicted to our everyday.  God has taught me so much through Jubilee about making every moment count and about being thankful for each day we have.  My heart has been so heavy lately as we get closer to Jubilee's due date and closer to the hard days ahead, but when I focus on the right now all of the weight, the heavy, heavy weight, is lifted enough to breathe, and with every. single. breath. my heart shouts for joy to the Lord for the blessing of now.

Some of the blessings of our right now the make me smile the most:

We are "bwushin' da teesth" after bath time with the biggest grin this boy can muster.

We are building forts with Daddy and snuggling in for family movie nights. Daddy surprised us with a living room full of pillows and blankets and cushions and allllll of Newbie's friends settled in to watch the movie. He's kind of a stud when it comes to being an awesome dad.

We are singing wheels on the bus at our class at the gym and celebrating the fact that Newbie sat through the ENTIRE song without running away to find a "bas-set ball". 

We are waking up to a sleepy set of eyes snuggled inbetween the Hubs and I in the morning and a small sweet voice that asks, "pwees eat it wucky farms?"  before he says anything else.  Boy has Lucky Charms on the brain every day, and if he happens to have hitched a snooze in our bed, its the first thing we hear about in the morning.

We are pouting about trying the balance beam instead of playing ball no matter how good or plentiful Daddy's pep talks.

(My dad will see this picture and laugh about that fat pouty bottom lip and say that he gets it from his momma because I've been known to throw around more than a few pouty lips in my day now when I didn't don't get my way. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree, folks.)

We are fending off Opie while we munch at the table and Newbie's blurting out "Opie twouble" when Opie's being naughty.  Or we're laughing at my most recent favorite, "Opie shake-a da ears!" when he hears Opie giving a good shake of his head.

 

We are playing cards at night after Newbie goes to bed to keep the sadness at bay, and we're swapping stories about our day and laughing at our sweet boy and holding our breath with wide eyes when Jubilee busts out a particularly enthusiastic dance move.  We're whispering after we turn out the light and the Hubs is asking if we can please wake Newbie up just to snuggle and talk with him before we call it a night.  I always say no, but one of these days I just might cave. Don't judge us.  Its hard to resist the amount of cute Newbie possesses. =)

We are waiting for our first ever visit from the ice cream truck at the end of a fun-filled birthday weekend.  We're picking out ice cream and hanging the lady coins and fussing about holding the popsicle because "its a yiddle told!"  (little cold).  We're licking that bad boy like its the last fudgecicle we'll ever meet.

We're snuggling in with Grandma to read one of our favorite books (Hello, is this Grandma?) and we're giggling at each story time lately because Newbie has to have a "prop" to go with almost every book he reads.  Every. book.  This time he found his telephone and crocodile with Grandma because the little boy in the book has a phone and there's a crocodile in the story too.  Before bed tonight he asked for a basketball when he pulled out a book about a boy who shoots hoops. This little boy makes now so very, very sweet.

(One of my all-time favorite pictures.  Ever.)

We're watching home videos to celebrate Newbie's birthday and looking back on our yesterdays and remembering how quickly now can slip between our fingers.  We're squeezing every last drop of joy out of our days so we can look back later and smile knowing we made each moment of our yesterdays count.

For the record, We're I'm also pounding down leftover birthday cake like its our my job.  Hey, if you're going to cherish the now, go hard or go home, baby.  ;)

*****
The bottom line is, I honestly just don't know how to get through these days without taking it one step at a time and sucking the life out of the blessings around me.  I drink our everyday stuff in like its the last glass of water I'll ever see.  I thank God for everything- the little things and the big things and the in between things because I don't know how to breathe without seeing Him in everything and knowing He is here.  Sad isn't far from the surface these days (hello, crying over grilled cheese at one of my girlfriend's houses today.  Thanks for the hug, Al.) and its just because we're getting so much closer to the tomorrow I've been dreading since the 16th of February and our now seems to be slipping away quicker than it has all along. 

The tears fall, but the smile stays because good night, how precious is that sweet boy and that little life fluttering away in that round belly? I don't want to lose a single day with these two littles.

Each and every day is a battle to keep the now- to drink deep of God's goodness in today, to thank Him for the blessings pouring out of our everydays and to fight off the fear and worry, dread and sorrow that threatens to steal the precious little time we have with our Jubilee.  Prayers for protection over our everydays would be so much appreciated- that not a single moment or day would be stolen from us during this time.  Because the battle for today- for our now- is hard, and the warriors are weary, friends. 

God is so good, but this road is so long and so hard, and it simply cannot be walked alone. We don't have the strength to push away thoughts of tomorrow without God's grace to have eyes only for today.  We're determined to shout for joy for our little Jubilee, but the shouting is tough when the darkness is so loud- its such a blessing to us to know others are coming alongside us and lifting us in prayer because the daily battle just can't be won in our own strength.  We need God's protection over our hearts and our minds and our now- and we are so blessed when others step in and fight for us in that through prayer.  Thank you in advance a billion times over to those of you who bless us in that way.  It is such a sweet gift to be given the grace to see only the beauty of today and not worry about tomorrow.

We're trekking on.  Fighting for the now and allowing ourselves to be captivated by the blessings of today- the ice cream trucks, the lullabies, the belly flutters, the late night laughs, the constant brushing of "da teesth".  The now is a beautiful gift, and each day we're unwrapping it, giving thanks to the Giver of all good things, and holding onto it as tightly as we can until its time to let it go as we turn out the light.

Praying you have eyes to see the beauty in your now and the courage to embrace the gift of today without concern for tomorrow.

Therefore, do not worry about tomorrow -Matthew 6:34