It was on the list of 2012 to-do's. We've been cooped up inside, and I thought I'd put on my big girl panties and ask the Hubs to sign Newbie and I up for a music and movement toddler class at the gym where he works. It wasn't easy to convince myself to do it because I kept having flashbacks to swimming lessons last year when I had to haul Newbie through the parking lot with wet hair, damp clothes clinging to my legs while we trudged through the January ice and snow.
But eventually I came around and asked the Hubs to sign us up because you can't sit around the living room all day forever.
This morning was our first class, and it wasn't pretty.
The beginning wasn't bad. While we waited for the instructor, the kids had a free for all, running through the large carpeted room, squealing and screaming, and raising a general ruckus. Newbie had a football in one hand, a maraca in the other, and was alternately stomping and running his way from one end of the room to the other, while I held my breath hoping he wouldn't run into anyone smaller than he is. He was having a ball and I was feeling really great about signing him up for the class.
Then the instructor came in and started rolling hula hoops into the room full of kids. Newbie was all "OH BOY!" running to snag himself a hoop, and I was thinking, Way to go, B. Check "be social and get Newbie out into the world in 2012" off the list. Ca-chow.
Then the instructor asked the kids to grab a book and go sit in their hula hoop on the floor. Newbie grabbed a book, sat in his hoop, and that was the last of the direction-following for the morning. He lasted all of three seconds before he was up running across the room while everyone sat in a circle singing a song about waving hello.
At first I was mellow about it, reminding myself that the instructor said kids will all react differently to the various activities in class and its OK if your kid isn't interested.
But then Newbie wasn't really interested in anything...except running to all ends of the room and engaging in all kind of Curious George hullabaloo. And that's when I had to talk myself out of hyperventilating.
The rest of the morning was a blur, but at various points I chased Newbie through the room while he ran away from the conga line train, scooped him up from a corner where he had found a box of Legos and was diligently working at the lid, and confiscated Battleship while the rest of the class sang a song about a train and loosing your marbles. Maybe I fabricated the loosing your marbles part, but I could have sworn that's what they were singing about while I snagged the box of Legos for the second time.
Newbie made a jail break twice, and on the second rescue mission I was able to convince him to wait in line to have a turn ringing the triangle with the little stick. He waited patiently and it felt like maybe we could actually be in the class, then he took his turn and immediately turned around with the stick saying "Mommy, play! Mommy, play!" I explained that we needed to let someone else play and that Mommy wasn't really great with the triangle anyway, which resulted in a tearful sob and then another jail break.
I followed him out of the room, leaving the others to another trip on the sing-song train. When I caught up to Newbie out in the hall, the following conversation ensued:
Newbie: "Daddy work? Daddy work ober der?" (Daddy works over there?)
Me: "Well, Honey, yes, Daddy works over there, but don't you want to go back and make a train with all of our new friends?"
Newbie: "No. No no. All done. All done."
Me (hiding a laugh): "What? You don't really love this class?"
Newbie: "No. Yeah. No. No. No. All done. Daddy work ober der?"
Me: "OK good. Mommy doesn't really love this class either. Let's go find Daddy."
Newbie: "Oh BOY! Yeah! Yeah yeah. Oh boy!"
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't ten billion percent relieved. It didn't take much convincing on his part to get me to bail.
Off we went to find Daddy and tell him that music and movement isn't really our style. As we walked through the basketball court with the Hubs, I realized I had left our coats back in the room. After debating how to get out of having to go back to the class before it was over, I remembered my keys were in my coat pocket and threw in the towel. I made the walk of shame back through the doors where everyone was sitting quietly in the lap of their parent rocking back and forth to a soft song. I avoided eye contact, snagged the coats, and wondered how you raise an 18 to 36 month old to just sit quietly in your lap and rock back and forth 20 minutes before lunch time when it really feels like you should be running around screaming "FOOT BALL!" or "HORSE NUNNING!" to burn off some energy before digging into lunch then settling down for a nap.
We just don't roll that way over here. We're a horse running, football playing, run your buns off before nap time kind of family.
I left knowing it just wasn't the gig for us, and we're going to try a toddler tumbling class next week. I'm thinking lots of stuff to climb on and a padded landing strip is more our speed. In the mean time, I'm just going to keep laughing about Newbie's "No no no. All done" and my relief at his answer because inside I was saying the exact. same. thing. and thanking the Lord for having mercy on me.
And all the people said, "No no no. All done."
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