Joy Unspeakable Piled High

Newbie was on a role tonight.  He had me in stitches over and over again, and after tucking him in a few minutes ago, I just found my heart so full and warmed by God's gifts. Oh, were they piled high.

I'm so thankful.

So thankful for Newbie and his chubby little diaper clad legs and his belly laugh.  For the light behind those bright blue eyes and the softness in his precious little heart.

So thankful for this time with my sweet baby Jubilee.  So thankful that today?  Today she's here.  She's a part of us, a part of the laughter in the hall and the snuggles before bed and the prayer while I lay Newbie down to sleep.  I am so, so thankful for this time with her.  I wouldn't trade it for the world. 

I know there are hard days ahead.  The valley is long and deep, and we've only just begun to walk into its shadows.  But Jesus has graciously given us permission not to worry about those shadows.  Those shadows are tomorrow.  Today we walk through the valley in the slender stream of sunlight floating down and landing at our feet, and we walk hand in hand with the One who holds it all.

It gives me joy unspeakable to know God's love in this valley.  To have been gifted this opportunity to learn about the depth of that love, to experience His faithfulness, to be able to shout with His joy because of the everlasting hope we have in Christ.  As I thought about His love today, I realized I don't know that I've ever been more excited about Easter.  Because this year?  This year Easter means more to me than it ever has. His love means more to me than it ever has.  This year, I understand better than I ever, ever, have before the sacrifice God gave when He sent His son to die for us. 

Do you know the depth of that love? I've been considering it often lately.  I haven't been given a choice with Jubilee.  I have to let my baby go.  And it is tearing my heart from the inside out.

But He?  He had a choice.  And He still let His Son go- for love of us.

Knowing that God loves us so much that He would give up His only son because He knew we needed to be rescued? That much love? What unspeakable joy! 

And He did.  He rescued us- but at what cost?  At the cost of the very pain I'm feeling now.  At the cost of losing His child.  He gave His Jesus up for us.  He watched Him suffer.  Do you know how much I hope my sweet girl doesn't have to suffer? Sweet, Heavenly Father, how you must love us to sacrifice so much. 

God sent His son to suffer and die in order to rescue us, and then brought Him back to life when He rose again that we might live.  This Easter, I know more of that love than I have ever known before because I know more of that sacrifice- the loss of a child- than I have ever known before, and my heart is just bursting with unspeakable joy for the love God has for us.  Because oh, how He must love us.  Us!

Do you know how much He loves you?
 
I do. He loves you so very, very much.

Tonight after tucking Newbie in, I sat and considered that sacrifice and the love that positively must have been behind it, and I just drank it in- His love.  I sat and I thought about the day and the pictures I took and the giggles Newbie pulled from me and the roundness of my belly and the way its hard to put on shoes or get up into the car.  We're walking through a valley, but the gifts were piled high.  Surely they are a testament to His love for me, and looking back on the love He shared with me today brought me unspeakable joy. His love didn't stop at the cross, but instead He just continues to pour it out over us.  Unending love in every day gifts- again and again and again in gift after gift after gift... 

Newbie playing "market" with his newly inseparable sidekicks, Woody and Lightening McQueen.  His little mouth was just talking non-stop telling me all about what his friends were up to while they bought their groceries. 

This little incident could have had me itching with irritation at the loss of a few bucks worth of toilet paper, but instead it had me rolling with laughter and snapping picture after picture.  What unspeakable joy to be blessed with a little munchkin to get into this kind of trouble!  I wouldn't trade a dozen unclogged toilets for him.

(Me: "Newbie, what are you doing?"

Newbie: "Mommy, I pudding da toi-yit payPER in da potty!" [insert proud smile and triumphant, sparkling eyes here])

Sharing strawberries after dinner and watching Newbie take a bite or two from one before he set it down to swipe another and take a couple bites, then start the process again with another.  When I went to grab a berry my hand paused over the bowl realizing every single one had at least two tiny bites already taken from them. 

(Jubilee, tonight we had strawberries for dessert, and I don't know that I've ever found a more delicious carton full.  They were plump, and bright red, and just dripping with the sweetest juice.  I told you and Newbie about how strawberries are one of my favorites, and we talked about how you can't eat the leaves.  Big Brother has a hard time remembering that rule!  Jubilee, when I was a little girl, your Grandad used to read a book to me about a princess and a strawberry.  It was my favorite story, and your GiGi even helped me plant my very own strawberries outside in our flowerbed.  We made a tiny scarecrow to keep the birds away, and I'll never forget that bright spot of red popping out from under the green leaves when that strawberry plant finally gave us a strawberry.  The sweetness of a red, ripe strawberry makes me think of God's love and how very good He is to us, Jubilee.  I'm so happy you've gotten to munch on berries with us and smile with us while we thank God for the special treats He's given us to enjoy. I love you, sweet baby- you are sweeter to me than even the reddest, ripest strawberry!)

His love was everywhere today.  His love is everywhere every day, if only we have eyes to see the gifts.  Do you see them- the gifts He's given you?  The ones He's piled high as a testament of His love for you?  Don't miss the gifts.  The gifts bring joy unspeakable- even in the valley. 

I'm walking in the valley, but He's walking here too. And He's bringing me joy unspeakable.

You're walking somewhere, friend, and you know what?  He's walking there too- because He loves you so very, very much.  And its my prayer that you see those gifts He's piling high into your days, and that you see the love He's lavishing on you with each and every one.  And I hope His unending love brings you joy unspeakable.