Skunked

Sometimes it's hard to wade through the ocean of raging post-pregnancy hormones to find your sense of humor, but last night mine caught up with me real fast. There are some things that have happened in the past 8 days that leave me to wonder...why don't they tell you these things in the parenting books or in that stinking 139 dollar childbirth class we took two months ago?!?

1) We got skunked, Danny. We got skunked. Last night the Hubs went to change his first solo stinky diaper and did a fantastic job up until he made a crucial mistake...he failed to place a fresh diaper under the stinky diaper. There was a rumble, then a gurgle, then an epic explosion the likes of which not even Opie could compete. We got skunked. Baby poo was rocket launched all over the Hubs, all over me, the carpet, the changing table, the drapes (what?!?!), and possibly even the ceiling. But the thing about the Hubs is, you just can't keep the man down. I took Newbie to get cleaned up and the Hubs continued to do damage control until the biohazard was completely cleaned up. Why don't they prep you for epic explosions? Nobody told us this kiddo could pull that off!

2) They say you don't get sleep. But what they don't say is that you really don't get sleep. My days of 8 hours or more of cozy snoozing have flashed before my eyes more than once in the past week. The Hubs and I have been sneaking in naps as much as we can, but still wake up to take care of Newbie at 4 in the morning bumping into walls and stumbling over eachother with a glazed-over look communicating our hopes and dreams for the day when this guy be able to change his own diapers.

3) They don't tell you about little boys and their loaded guns. Similar to skunking, come to find out, little boys are really good at aiming and firing right as you're wrapping up the new diaper and think you're in the clear. The good news: word on the street is that tinkle is sterile. Thank goodness.

4) They don't tell you how adorable your baby will be or how you won't be able to pull your eyes away from his face or set him down no matter how many loads of laundry aren't done or dinners aren't made. I cannot let go of this sweet baby boy. He is absolutely precious, and I could just snuggle him all day long and get nothing else done. And I think that's OK. =)

5) They don't tell you how hard it is to give a newborn a bath. I am terrified of giving this little guy the "spit bath" required of the first 7-14 days. Good thing newborns smell so good, otherwise the world may find out that he's only had two said baths since we got home because his mama is so afraid she's going to break the rules about getting the belly button wet or not dressing him as I go so he doesn't get cold. I am looking forward to the days of the true bath, where I can dunk him in a tub of warm toasty water and then stick him in a monkey towel and smother him in delicious smelling baby lotion. Mmm...

6) The other thing they don't tell you is how much time you won't have to blog or post pictures or call friends and family or finish watching American Idol or get dressed even though all you have to do is feed, diaper, and rock your sweet baby. Somehow those three little tasks take up just about every minute of every day.

On that note, I better get back to being a mama- and I wouldn't have it any other way! =)