On a mountain so high. So very, very high.

I'm pretty sure I biked the Himalayas this morning.

And the worst part is, it all took place before the sun came up.

Let's start at the beginning.  I hauled my cookies out of bed and hit the gym bright and early.  I like to keep a low-profile, so when I got there, I slid stealthily onto a bike and pushed the "on" button.  Guess what?  Nothing happened.  In an attempt to avoid drawing attention to myself, I pressed again acting like that's exactly what I had expected the bike to do.

Still nothing.

Time to re-group.

Plan B. I quickly slipped off and moved to the next bike over. Because clearly the first one was broken.  Pressed the button on the new bike, nothing.  Pressed again.  Nothing.  At this point I had to suppress my urge to scream "WHAT IS YOUR MALFUNCTION?!?!?", and I quietly swallowed my pride and went to the desk to ask how one might turn on the bike if one wanted to ride the bike.

To which the kind lady answered, "Oh, you just have to start pedaling, and the bike will turn on."

To which I replied, "Oh?  So you have to move."  I guess we are in a gym.  It probably makes sense that one has to actually move.  Important to remember, these people aren't into sitting on the couch and crafting.

Noted.

I returned to the first bike and started pedaling.  Surprise!  The bike turned on!

But then I started hyperventilating when I saw the "program" pop up on the screen.

It looked something like this:

Like I said, I biked the stinking Himalayas.

I would also like to take this moment to add that the bike asked me my age and weight, making me think there is some kind of conspiracy going on involving a general desire on the gym's part to overhaul every new mom's self esteem upon entering the gym to workout.  There was some fishy business going on when it comes to being asked to tell the machine how much I weighed. That's all I'm saying. CONSPIRACY.

After beating my body to a pulp, I came back home to find my two boys hanging out in the living room with sleepies still in their eyes.  Newbie decided today was the day he was going to wake up two hours earlier than usual.  Surprise!  Both men were happy to see me, but weren't exactly understanding the full magnitude of my plight when I told them how sore I was after biking through such a mountainous range before dawn.

Looking for some empathy, as I climbed the stairs to shower, I had a Lord of the Rings moment, and I bellowed down the stairs, "IT BURNS US!!!" Golam style... because it DID.  It burns, man.  Homie is not sure her legs are going to be able to carry her through the mall this afternoon.  Newbie might have to swap and let me ride in the stroller.

Also, I desperately need a trip to the iTunes store.  That is happening P to the ronto, because you can only bike so far to the tune of Dierks Bentley and his little heart wrecker. 

This afternoon my sister and I are hitting the mall to do some Christmas shopping for the menfolk.  I'm on the Santa Ramsey plan, so their won't be much purchasing going on for me. I am, however, a window shopping enthusiast, so it should still be a good time.  Later tonight we're going to the Christmas Candlelight Celebration at church, where my sister is hosting a table.  I'm looking forward to the gingerbread parfait dessert and the candy canes.  After biking the Himalayas, I'm thinking I've earned it.

Y'all have a happy Thursday and steer clear of the mountains.  It's just not a good time.  Don't say I didn't warn you.